The other day someone from my past came along and found me on Facebook…
I won’t mention any names to protect my friend… but I will tell you that when we met we hit it off and became quite friendly; I will also say that if I hadn't decided to do something for myself at that time in my life, we would have never met.
When I was 30 years old, I decided with quite tenacity, that enough was enough. It was time that I step out of my comfort zone and do something that I always wanted to do.
A long time ago I enrolled in Acting school…it was the best thing I ever did for myself , every Saturday morning I would head into the city, into the Village, and attend a class at HB Studio. There I met some wonderful people, we were all the same, trying to express a want that was inside us, a need to act, perform, and to feed our souls and desires.
During this time, we performed monologues, scenes and improvisational skits….we would perform in class and actually ended it with “scene” when finished. I thought that so cool.
This was a long time ago; what followed afterwards was a stint with an educational acting group performing plays about issues like domestic violence, and drug abuse. What then followed was some sort of a life, trying to start a family, a career or a job in the corporate world, being a wife, taking care of a home, becoming a mom, dealing with heartaches, and celebrating joys.
“In three words I can sum up everything I learned about life: It goes on!” Robert Frost
Yes, it does…
Boy does it ever; I didn't follow my dream to head west and become the next Meryl Streep, or the next Marisa B. That was not my destiny; I’m not sure if I should say, if it was meant to be it would have happened - because I’m not sure if we are responsible for own destination- are we? I have no idea anymore. Hesitantly , I say I think we are; then again, if I think about it good and hard I will get dizzy…maybe my destiny is to stick out my tongue for a taste but not swallow it….it could be I am destined to wade my feet in shallow water but not plunge in the deep end. Not sure, I’m getting light-headed thinking about this….
All I know for sure is that I had the time of my life back then; it is filled with good memories and pride, because I am proud of that 30 year old me who said enough is enough I want more.
So why am I writing about an event that actually happened two decades ago… the 30 year old me that wanted more is still me. Yet I forgot that I could ask for things I wanted, but more importantly to go and get it…
Well then again maybe I did… I wanted to be a mom so badly the fact that I could not bear my own brought me to my knees. Eventually I stood up and became a mom through adoption.
I think the last ten years have truly been the most defining years in my life. I have felt so many emotions at such high levels good, bad, and indifferent, or the ugly, that the only thing I can do or should do is stop take a moment, process it all, and prepare for the next decade, and the one after that, and the one after that.
I am still that 30 year old saying enough is enough – but this time I add stop and breathe!